Mony said to me one day that she believed the passion was already gone…. Man do I take great offense to that. Every time she says it I get so frustrated, mainly because I have this thing about being genuine and truthful… when I’m truly genuine with my feelings or I am really being honest and anyone questions it I find it an assault on my integrity… and it pisses me off (but that’s a blog for another day). Point is there is passion… and she just didn’t see it. What caused this lack of vision or change in the passion factor?
Well after several times of this topic being touched on, we finally got to the root… and wouldn’t you know it; LACK OF COMMUNICATION was the culprit. I said it before and I’ll say it again, there are only two parts to a relationship, SEX and COMMUNICATION! When one falters the other follows. Let me recap this idea: If you can COMMUNICATE your most intimate desires and secrets in the bedroom without judgment or persecution for your fetishes, wants and likes, then you can COMMUNICATE in any room in the house about any topic. This doesn’t mean disagreements won’t happen, it just means that if you can tell your partner that you want to be spanked cause it gets you hot… and they are openminded, then you can tell them you can’t stand the way their food is always burned. COMMUNICATION. Okay, that too is another blog for another day.
What happened was….
I was always after her… in that passionate I want you now way… but maybe in a way she didn’t see. I mean honestly if I am asking for a skirt to be worn so I can drag her off to a dark rooftop for a little romp under the moonlight, I am wanting that ‘in the moment’ want. And we went back and forth several times on certain things, whether it was a hang up, issue or preference… moral complication, adult responsibility or what have you… but what didn’t happen was either of us fixing it. Now, because I was trying to get those I want you, have to have you now moments when I wanted them, she didn’t seem to recognize it and the why was never really touched on… Ahem! Com-you-knee-kay-shun!
It wasn’t until she brought up my hangup that held me back in those moments that she felt would be the right time for an I want you know romp… and then BAM! That’s when it all connected… I was holding back in a place I didn’t realize because of my hangups and it was effecting the overall passion factor in that I want you here and now space. Without getting into the details of the what (cause my issues aren’t always your business), the end result was:
MONY: “If I feel it’s okay there, then I’ll be more comfortable there”
E.’s BRAIN: *Click…. “D’Oh!”
Now, what happened that formed the issues we have with those free spirited youthful moments we all had when we were kids? We became stupid adults.
Somewhere along the way we forgot that the chances of getting caught under the bleachers, in the back seat, in the locker-room were slim… some where we became these morally complicated, legally aware, responsible adults that didn’t want to be bad examples for our kids, or needed to be morally righteous because of our jobs… or because we found some religion that said we’d burn in hell if we had a good time with sex. Whatever it is that took root in our adult psychs that suddenly made us these tight-assed, fearful, morally complicated individuals in fact made us these blithering hypocrites. How you ask?
Well, looking at myself… I realize that I’m willing to trespass on abandoned and dangerous property to explore, I’m willing to drink myself into a happy drunken state and go out in public stumbling all over the place, I’m willing to jump a turnstile, sneak into a movie, I’m willing to do a lot of things that some people give a shit about and some don’t. And yes, I’m willing to go trespass on a rooftop for a quick romp, yet in other places I’m some morally complex champion of …. well I have no idea.
My point is that the passion is there, and the I WANT YOU NOW desire is there, but there’s no half stepping. Sure we don’t want to be putting ourselves in Macy’s window, that’s just unnecessary attention, but like when we were teens, a quick I want you now under the bleacher in the pitch black of night isn’t a bad thing.. it adds a little spice to life. There’s nothing wrong with an afternoon quickie with the kids in the other room. There’s nothing wrong with finding a private space in a public area and flipping a skirt up.
We shouldn’t place ourselves in situations that are going to get us into serious trouble, but really… when did the moral stigmas stop you from teenage romps in the back seat of the Chevy? If you can put the music loud in your living room and drunken dance with your lover to have a good time, if you’re willing to stumble from the bar home and pee in public on some guy’s lawn, if you’re willing to be spontaneous with money and spend your electric bill on a gift for your lover, then why are you picking and choosing your passion.
Mony wants that ‘I want you now passion’ in one place, I want it in another, and neither of us ever realized that letting our hang-ups dictate our responses to those particular wants and needs, we were in fact stifling the passion that was there.
We got it out, we talked and we figured out that we needed to get over our moral complexity, personal issues, and hang-ups that held us back from those locker room secret meetings, it was a mobius strip, we were affecting each other. My hang up was stopping her from building comfort, her hang up was stopping me from getting over mine… so we dove a little deeper and got to the little things that would help us get back to recognizing that ‘passionate, I want you now’ moments.
And since sex and communication are linked, if you have a sexual hang-up that is holding you back from experiencing something fantastic with your true love, then work on it… who better can you trust but the one person that’s seen you naked and wanted you above all else. Trust in this, if you can be naked in front of someone with all your imperfections you see and they want you, then you can be honest and open with them. Communicating in the bedroom will translate into communicating in the kitchen. Also, you’re older now, don’t let social, moral or religious stigma turn you into a hypocrite where you pick and choose your moral complication… if you’re going to break a window of an abandoned factory, you’re committing a crime… don’t hold out from that moment when you can be in that abandoned building and grab your lover, tell them how they are the only person they want to be with in a spooky place like that and then use the horror movie motif to get into their pants. You’ll get in the same trouble if you were caught whether you have your pants on or off.
Thanks for reading