Back in 2011 I stood at Point Pleasant Beach, in the twilight hours, dancing on the sand with Mony to the music that was rolling over the club on the pier… we both agreed that the last 20 years of our lives was coming to a close and as we wrote those final pages, a new chapter was beginning. It was a time of change.
As the last two years have gone by, her and I have seen our fair share of drunken nights out, museums, long talks, walks… a superstorm, snow fall, water falls, laughter, movies, television shows, books, games, adventures, arguments, disagreements and all things in between…. from three thousand miles apart and three hours difference in time. In those moments we suffered doubt, pledged endurance, worried, wondered, planned and hoped. We ran a little but ran back, we cried some, but laughed more, we felt alone but found comfort in one another and of course the countless hours, dollars and air miles to be together. There was change through those two years in both our lives.
We found parts of ourselves that had been lost or forgotten, worked to heal wounds left by others, tried things that didn’t work so well while other things were blessings. Taught one another things to help us be better, found we were better people for our efforts… we were learning about eachother and trying to get to that place where those same things we wanted, we were getting… or doing. I swore I’d never hang curtains or play house, I swore I would never let a woman influence my choices because they were mine… I learned that sorry doesn’t just have to be an overused word… she learned to believe in herself, believe in me, appreciate. We both found that as parents we could be better despite the great jobs we were doing… even if we didn’t always say thanks to one another for the advice, we both acted on some of those wise perspectives of the other… And… the results worked.
All and all there was change… from the most insignificant thing to some profoundly large circumstances. Change is good… in hindsight, change has helped me to be a better person… but I couldn’t have evolved and grown had I not been willing to. As they say, you can lead a horse to water…
In a relationship and for a relationship to work, both of you have to be open. Open to new things, new ideas, new experiences. Both of you have to be willing to compromise, give in, give up a little… you have to leave as much of your ego at the door as you possibly can. How many relationships might have worked for you had you just not been such a hard ass? There’s a time and place to stand your ground, but that time and place isn’t all the time all over the place. Relationships take compromise, communication, openness and good sex.
Change isn’t bad and you shouldn’t fear it, it might seem scary that you may have to give up your man-cave or sewing room, but that’s what compromise is for… you don’t have to give up and give in, you just have to communicate and consider possibilities. The hardest part for me in this relationship is shutting up long enough to hear what Mony is saying…. oh and she has her moments too, so I, she, we need to make an effort to listen more. I believe it was Mony who said if I’d just shut up I’d hear something I needed to hear, she’s probably right… in part… but I’ll give it all to her.
Communication is made up of listening, talking, feeling, discussion, ideas, and an ability to convey those things in a way the other person understands… what has changed in my life with communication? Well I’ve come to learn that it’s not her responsibility to understand my language, it’s mine to speak in a language she understands… that’s real communication. And she has to make sure that she doesn’t take offense to every little thing that comes out of my mouth… not being offended by a perspective or opinion is a part of communication. I’ve always been an advocate for good communication, but I still have my shortcomings… which goes back to ego. In any good relationship, you need to leave the ego at the door… it has it’s time and place but not when you are supposed to be communicating with the person who is your partner. They know who you are… they’ve heard you fart in your sleep, snore, belch, they might have even caught you picking your nose or your pants out of your butt crack… your ego checked out when you did that and they saw it.. thank them for not saying anything and embarrassing you and check your ego at the door.
Now I sit here and write this, and that last chapter that has taught me about who Mony is, about who I am, about my relationship skills and communication has come to a close… she sits here next to me and is writing her blog… and hopefully next week at this time we’ll be here writing together again… and every week after for a long time to come. The chapter of our lives we started two years ago on Point Pleasant Beach has come to an end, and for both of us, personally and collectively… individually and as a couple…. we begin this new chapter of growth and discovery… of change.
Change is good, you need to be open to it, you need to be willing to accept it…or at best try it.
In commemoration of this new change in my life, I’ve changed the blog title here… It’s no longer “In Love With Mony” but it’s now… “In Love… Again”.
Can you fall in love again? Can you rekindle the love you have and fall in love again? I did when I thought all love was gone from my life.
Think about change, think about the love you have now, or the one you’re searching for… or the one that is supposed to be there but seems to be so far away… make a change, try to build that romance, that love… you’ve got nothing to lose by trying.
Thanks of reading