My Dearest Mony,
You read me emails from a year ago, a couple I wrote, a couple you wrote… there’s one thing that is always constant in those emails, they’re written with love. Love that seems to know no bounds, no limit, no time or space… what I have for you is eternal, it’s been there for more than I even know, as if I knew you from a lifetime past.
I remember when I first met you all those years ago, my legs went weak and I was just to damn cool to let you see it, but if I could create the image for the world to see, they would see you the way I saw you that day… A beautiful teenager, dark hair, dark eyes and glowing… yes glowing. The mall that was the backdrop to each of your steps towards the threshold of the store blurred to black and you were all that was in front of me, glowing.
I never intended those years ago to leave and stay gone, it was youthful stupidity and childish angst that led me to do the dumb things I did, there certainly was no excuse when I look back, but unfortunately the experience I have today was not available to me then and I did the dumbest thing I could have ever done… break your heart.
I paid that price every day of my life, through dating and marriage and more dating, influences by you… you set the bar and even though I knew I shouldn’t have gotten married, even though all the signs were there, I let youthful stupidity rule again… and that was the next biggest mistake of my life. Some would say to me that if you didn’t get married you wouldn’t have those beautiful children, I say I would have, I would have had them with you.
The point is I had you in my heart every day, and when I didn’t think of you, those thoughts weren’t far from me… of course that day I cried to my mother about the mistake I made I could have gotten in the car and went in search of you… I was only 20 miles away. But this time it wasn’t youthful stupidity, it was fear of rejection, feeling ashamed of what I’d done, and fear of not winning you back… so for the rest of my days I dreamed in one way or another about you.
It took a long time, and maybe I wasn’t ready, or maybe the universe didn’t see me as ready, but eventually I found you… interesting how my whole life I looked for you through your maiden name, and only 34 days before I found you, you were compelled for no reason to put a profile on facebook using your maiden name.
Well now the rest is history, and you are brighter than the sun in my universe.. you are the sun and stars and moon. You are more than my muse you are my goddess, my beloved and my one and only, and you are more than my friend, you’re my best friend, my partner and my lover… and you are more than perfect for me… but I only have the word love to use to tell you.. and while love is a beautiful word, love is far to tiny a word to describe how much I truly love you… am in love with you and forever will be yours… born for you.
I love you Mony, I love you and I want the world to know just how much.