We often look back on our lives and see many of the mistakes we’ve made, but how many of us really look back and say ‘what have I learned?”. Somehow the old cliche’ “Learn from your mistakes” has lost it’s so called ‘oomph!’ It seems that we can look back at our accomplishments, our failures, our lives and reminisce over them wondering where we went wrong, but so many of us fail to look back and say ‘what did I learn?’, ‘what did I do right?’ The successful one’s are usually the one’s that look at their failures and find the reasons for the failures and learn from their mistakes, but why have so many not applied this attitude to daily living? To relationships?
Mony and I watched the Redford/Streisand classic “The Way We Were” last night, and in it’s own right it is a tragic love story. We discussed it and I found that their parting at the end of the film was simply because even after they figured out how to get along and what went wrong, neither seemed to want to forgive nor continue to compromise, learn, grow or even concede with pleasure to the other’s needs and wants. Sure they tried through their lives, but in the end they failed to look back and say “What did we do right to get this far?” Instead they looked at the ills and made choices based on the premise that neither was truly going to change… and they were right, neither was!
Mony isn’t going to change because I demand it, or even because I believe in her, she is going to change because she wants to or not at all. We are going to compromise, stand firm, agree, disagree, grow, learn and change only if we learn from our mistakes and really look back at them to see what we did wrong and what we learned. The movie brings to mind how Mony and I were at eachother through the month of November, it was as if Super Storm Sandy brought with it a whole shit load of stupid in those winds and we were infected with it. For a minute there we both felt as if we weren’t making any ground as a couple and by the end of the month, we sat there looking back going “What the fuck?”
As it turns out, we could have said… “We can’t do this, look at us, this is too much, we’re too old, we’re too set in our ways” and so many other excuses, but instead we actually looked back and said, ‘where did we fuck up?’… “what went wrong?”… and the end result was we both agreed where we screwed up, causes and effects, actions and reactions and determined that we could not be that way. What was our mistakes and how do we not do them again. We didn’t forget where we were that month and we made every effort to not let the month of December be a repeat of November… and while I can’t speak for Mony, I can say that once I realized what I’d done and what mistakes I made I was able to learn from those mistakes rather quickly and apply the lesson, make the adjustment and talk calmly to the woman that is my partner.
The month of December was a improvement over the month of November and now as January is upon me, I can look back at the month of December and see what I did right, continue to improve and grow upon these experiences and remember where I’ve been so that I don’t forget how to get where I want to be with happiness and harmony. The moral to the story?
The moral is, you can look at your past and say… Damn it sucked but you need to look at it and say ‘how can I not make those same mistakes twice”
Hindsight is 20/20…use that perfect vision for a change and improve your foresight.
Thanks for reading