I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days about making things happen for me, for my Mony and of course for my children and business partners… how can I do this, that or the other thing. I’ve had conversations with Mony that have sparked some more thoughts, we’ve discussed everything from ‘The Secret’ to art, photography, raising children, the other parent, health, sex, weight, plans and just a bout everything you can think of. A few points of our conversations stuck in my mind and could be applied to the thoughts I’ve been gnawing on, one in particular was ‘acceptance’, something that has both negative and positive impact on every step we take… and it made me think back to a few moments in my life when acceptance was a good thing and when it was a bad thing and I ran through what made acceptance good or bad for me… how did it impact my next action. As it turns out, the acceptance of our fates is bullshit… accepting your fate just short of eventually dying is nothing more than a cop out.
Case in point; I weighed at my highest (back in 1994/5) between 250 and 270 pounds, depending on the scale I was looking at, but either way it was a lot of extra meat for a guy who was 5′ 9″. I woke one day and said to myself I can’t live like this anymore, I couldn’t see my dick, I couldn’t run, I couldn’t do all the things I used to nor could I do all the things I wanted… I STOPPED accepting that “THIS WAS THE WAY I WAS GOING TO BE” and accepted that “THIS WASN’T WHAT I WANTED”. And years later I am a hundred pounds lighter. That’s the sword…if I remained accepting of the idea that this was who I was, overweight, then I only hurt myself, but once I changed the way I accepted the situation… I accept I am ‘fat’ but I’m not going to remain so, then I was able to lose the weight.
Okay, so if this doesn’t get the point across how about something a bit deeper and more recent. I accepted the fact that I was sacrificing myself to protect my kids from their mother, I continued to allow their mother to be a bitch to me while I seemingly sit there and took it, from the outside looking in one would say I was still being treated like a beaten husband… and the truth is I was being treated like shit, however I chose to accept that this was the best thing to keep her anger and abuse directed away from my kids… noble, wouldn’t you think? Not until Mony made a point of saying… ‘Did ya ever think that maybe it wasn’t the right thing for the kids?” And I had to give pause, well, I never thought of it that way… what if it wasn’t the right thing, what if it was sending the wrong message, what if it was not letting the kids see the truth of who she was, what if they already saw it and knew and I was doing nothing but letting their mother just be an unnecessary bitch to me? In my mind I accepted that this was the way it had to be, for my noble cause, but Mony made me see that it wasn’t necessarily right, or maybe even necessary…Hmmmm. I accepted that Mony was right, that her point of view was right and I stopped letting the kid’s mother be a bitch with me.
See, if we accept what we believe is our fate, or the right thing, or just the way it is, especially all those things that hurt us one way or another, then we’re not giving in to fate, we’re coping out because it might be to much work, to hard for our fragile egos or in the case of the boy’s mother… once I accepted that it might not be the right thing, it put me on a path to getting closer to understanding why I acted in certain ways… so much so that many months after the change, I was able to admit to Mony (and myself) why I acted and did certain things certain ways, it was amazing to be able to talk to her about this inner most feeling and she was grateful I shared. See how positive acceptance and positive action can result in a positive outcome.
There’s a good side and a bad side to acceptance, we can accept when we’ve been caught red handed in a crime, we can even be accepting of our fate before a judge, but most won’t accept the worst punishment, most fight for the lightest… this should be the way we treat all things we consider ‘accepting’. I don’t accept that 3000 miles is a valid reason to not be in love and committed to Mony, and that’s the first step in change… the second step? I accept that I am going to be in love and committed to Mony for a very very very long time… and therein starts me on the path to making it true.
Thanks for reading