Bad Behaviors

I can’t help but wonder how relationships truly work, much like having children, there is no instruction  manual.  Sure you can count on the  experience of generations before you, behavioral studies, text book cases and all kinds of expertise, but no matter the repetitive behaviors of humans… no two  people are alike.   We may all agree that there is no need to over react, or  no need to be hyper sensitive or no need to be aggressive, but this doesn’t change the fact that I am not Harry, Harry is not Bill, Bill  isn’t  Bob and so on, sure the basics count like listening and empathy but these basics are model of understanding and behavior… face it, we are shaped and  modeled by the experiences we have through out life.  Our experiences determine our  understanding, our  languages and meanings behind words and actions, and this  baggage is not often easy  to shed.

It’s never personal, our reactions to  things, sometimes it’s merely that… a reaction, it is a reaction based on years of unmodified behaviors and it may not be the right reaction, but it isn’t personal.  This much I’ve come to learn over the months with Mony, I don’t mean to react directly towards her as if she is the enemy, but  if I do react in  a habitually negative way, well it  certainly feels personal to her though it isn’t… it’s just a crappy reaction, generally unnecessary.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is (and I’m not justifying bad behaviors) we bring to relationships our experiences and our reactions to experiences, some good, some bad, but those reactions need to  be kept in check and less knee jerk and more thought out, especially when reacting to  another bad habit or behavior… Mony isn’t my ex,  nor any other woman for that matter, she isn’t my kid, my  business partner, a neighbour, enemy  or some random ‘so called friend’… she is someone I am going  to spend the  rest of my life  with (at least that’s the plan) and we both need to work on our reactions… which  are sometimes nothing but bad habitual behaviors that have gone unchecked.  Those are the actions that make things worse, and it’s those actions that need to be modified in order to move past the problems.

Sometimes we need to pause and validate our feelings when we feel them, before reacting to them… sometimes we need to shut up  and just listen and forget about ourselves, but all the time we need to remember that our loved ones, our partners, our bestest friends in the whole wide world… that person we share our most intimate secrets with is not part of the demons that shaped and molded us… they are their own people and even if their bad behaviors remind us of some other person’s  bad behaviors, we need to  pause and remind ourselves they are not anyone else.

Thanks for reading

E. Vincent

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About E. Vincent

Artist, Entrepreneur. Designer, Painter, Muralist, Illustrator, Writer. Business Analyst and Developer, Photography Caddy, Father, Lover, Fighter, Friend. INDESTRUCTIBLE, UNSTOPPABLE, INSEPARABLE, A Child of Destiny. Lover of Rembrandt, Da Vinci, Degas, Monet, Varga, Huerta, Royo, Adams, Swan, Lee, Warhol, Clarke, Bradbury, Serling and many other masters of the creative universe View all posts by E. Vincent

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