How do we balance “ME” between “You” and “US”? Face it, when you’re in a relationship it’s not always about you, it’s not always about them, but it is most times about us, but sometimes you get caught up in the me and forget to think about the other person… sometimes you get so caught up in the other person, you lose yourself…how do you strike that balance and not let the focus on any one person be so much that it has a negative impact? You could put all your hopes, dreams and desires aside in support of the other person, but that isn’t healthy; you lose yourself and all you are. You could put your focus solely on you and what happens to the other person? And if you get so wrapped up in the “US” that it freezes your decision making ability, skews choice, and clouds judgment, then that isn’t healthy either?
I don’t have the secret, I’m still trying to figure it out… what I do know is that when we get wrapped up in the “ME” (Self) to a point we don’t hear the other person, then it can cause negativity that can result in distance, a rift, resentment and a lack of trust. I do know that when you put so much into the other person that you start thinking of them to much that you in essence lose your own feelings and opinions. I know this from experience, I know this because Mony was thinking about my possible reactions and feelings regarding a particular subject and the truth is there is no way to predict the future… she was thinking so hard about the ‘what if’ that she was losing her ‘I want and need’. I know from experience that when we both stopped thinking of one another and made everything about “ME” that we stopped hearing eachother… what’s the secret to not losing yourself and getting caught up in one space? It takes some work on both parties parts, there has to be compromise, balance, a middle ground that both people can live in without seeming selfish, or without acting like an obsessed servant… there has to be this middle ground that allows both people to be who they are individually… TOGETHER.
I can say that Mony and I have done a superb job at doing that middle ground thing (don’t know how, but we have) until Hurricane Sandy… and from that moment we refocused ourselves on “ME” and have had a few conflicts, that at their root, were due to neither of us thinking of the other, listening and talking. We have a lot more to do to help the relationship grow, and I look forward to these moments of clarity that give her and I a chance to fix the small issues that cross our relationship… there’s nothing like a second chance to get it right, and discussing things often helps this along. I know I have a long way to go until I talk about every little thing, it isn’t lack of trust, just lack of doing.
Thanks for reading