Relationships are a bitch, they are work, they take work and frankly I can understand why people would throw themselves into their work…it doesn’t often argue back, tell you the truth about you or make you consider it’s feelings. Thought you’d never read that from me right? Well, I opened this blog like that because I wanted to make a point… There is no relationship with inanimate objects, there is no relationship with work, hobbies, art, writing, video games or any other such thing that doesn’t have feelings or perspectives, so if you think your on-line relationship with your fantasy character and the other fantasy character is a healthy relationship, you are sadly mistaken. If you use the term that you have a relationship with your work…you’re probably in need of some therapy to get past those relationship issues you have. I have relationship issues…I admit it. It’s hard for me to share, I am a bad sharerer, I don’t share with my associates, I reluctantly share MY stuff with my kids, I don’t share my business unless I am in absolute control of the flow of information, I just have no interest in sharing my space with people…I’ll do parties at their place, BBQs in their back yards or drinks at the bar, but not in my space. My relationship problems are because I have spent so long being self centered and picking and choosing if I care or not, oh…and trust, I have huge trust issues… Now, it’s your turn.
That’s right, it’s your turn to step back for a minute and figure out what it is about you that makes it hard for you to function in a relationship…I’ll wait.
Hmmm, Hmmm, Hmmm, Tra La La, dum ditty dum, skippity do dah….da dump dump… Okay, done? Good.
Here’s what I am working diligently at in this relationship with Mony… I’m trying hard to remember to listen…it takes work to change behavior. I’m trying hard to understand that sometimes it’s okay to “SAY” sorry…sometimes the words have as much power as the actions… I’m learning to accept the apologies along with the actions. I’m trying to be understanding… in other words I am WORKING at applying my relationship rhetoric… why? Because a good, healthy relationship isn’t just something that sits there like a file to be worked on…
“E. do you have a point?” Why yes dear read, as a matter of fact I do…
Quite simply, relationships take work and when you WANT to be in that relationship you do not find that work to be something that you MUST do, you do it because you NEED to as much as you WANT to, and you fight to a resolution when you have to fight because once you can get the “YOU DID THIS” out of the way and the other person can hear you, then you can move to the FIX.
“What makes you such an expert…you ain’t gots no creds hangin on yo wall!” Let me tell ya; Married for lust, marriage went to shit within the first 24 months, in and out of lawyers offices for years, ex spouse that was physically abusive to my kid… and when I had her by her throat 6 inches off the ground because she hurt my kid..you bet your ass I had relationship issues. And let me tell you something, in a case like mine counciling wouldn’t have helped, we were oil and water and that was something had we communicated early on, would have figured out. Had I communicated my misgivings about ‘staying married for the kids’ maybe I would have went through with that first divorce attempt… But wait, I’m not the only one out there like that, there are hundreds, thousands and before you know it there will be millions… And this isn’t the only relationship I sucked at, every one before and after I sucked at.
I can’t tell you what’s changed, I don’t know other than there is this thing inside me that doesn’t want those mistakes made with Mony, there is something about being in love with her that makes it worth every effort, every bit of work to make sure that my relationship issues are defeated. Work is not a relationship, art isn’t a relationship, hobbies aren’t and if some of us put half of much effort into a half way decent relationship (or figures out and communicates that the relationship is shit coming out of the gate) then maybe there would be more solid relationships out there. My point…put the work into truly loving the love of your life and less effort into gaining that 37th level wizard king sword.
Did it make sense to you?
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Have a great weekend, we’re heading to “THE” Sleepy Hollow Cemetery for Saturday.