Defense equals Deafness

So I haven’t written anything in a while because I’ve  been a bit busy,  I just finished the final draft of a fiction novel, started the second book in the planned trilogy; I’ve been drawing and toying around with some new art ideas; trying to get my company back on a track that  can be profitable in these lean times, and of course playing full  time dad (actually playing both roles in the parenting framework)…but the one thing that has kept me busy most is the fact that every free moment I have, and every little thing I can put aside, and everything that doesn’t  have to be more important than Mony, I am  taking with her…like right  now…I am  writing this and it is paining me to write it…I don’t want to take a  minute to be away from her to tap  out a blog about her… HELL!!!  If  I didn’t have to work  I wouldn’t…I’d spend every spare minute with her.  Sounds a bit obsessive?  Yes,  it does, that  is if you don’t understand what it feels like to  be so  damn in  love!

So, today’s blog isn’t about what I am  or am  not doing…today’s blog is about misunderstandings.

Two misunderstandings have occurred between Mony and  I in the  last few weeks that could have been avoided, had we UNDERSTOOD…and  we realized that pretty quick, and that’s the point I need to make.  I look at these two misunderstandings and I compare them to several of the arguments I’ve had in life with people I’ve  been in  a relationship with and people I’ve worked with and   you know how many of the arguments could have been avoided or diffused pretty quickly had one of us accepted that they misunderstood the other?   It makes me wonder how many fights you readers have  had  over a misunderstood intention,  action or words that could have been avoided.

I misunderstood Mony’s actions and when it was made clear to me of the intent, I was able to step back and apologize for  my reaction.  Mony misunderstood my actions and when she realized that it was a misunderstanding she was able to  apologize for her reaction…that is LISTENING…that is part of  COMMUNICATION!!!.  I’ve said this before, two parts to every relationship; Communication  and Sex, where one falters the other follows.  Everything in a relationship can be broken down to those two simple things.  Had I not HEARD Mony, and stuck to my own thoughts about her actions, we would have argued and argued and argued and it would  have  been one, long, drawn out circle, but I did HEAR her and LISTENING is part of COMMUNICATING!!!  See how that got brought  back  to communication?

Misunderstandings begin with intentions, and not all intentions are meant to make you feel bad…the saying is “The Road  To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions”…what this saying  ultimately means is that it isn’t the intention that matters but how it is received and reacted to that matters and in the end it doesn’t matter if your intentions were good…you’re fucked  if someone is hurt by  your intentions…unintentionally…and that means you MISUNDERSTOOD the intention.  Sure you might apologize for hurting that person’s feelings, but if that  person realizes hey misunderstood you, then it is very possible to avoid a conflict…why?  Because  you took a minute to  HEAR their explanation of their intention…guess what HEARING is part of?  COMMUNICATION…see how I did that, I did it again!!!  BAM!

I have had this push  and pull thing with Mony over  the last year and a half about intentions…I’ve said and done things that hurt her feelings, with the best intentions in mind, and it frustrated the shit out of  me that my  good intentions (on occasion) were met with a negative response… My whole resistance to apologizing for hurting her feelings was because I felt that if I my intentions were just that I should not be faulted for the way she chose to react…

She taught me that I wasn’t apologizing for what I did or didn’t do or  the  meaning behind it, but I was apologizing because I could understand how she felt…and I understood (eventually – and not always…hey, I’m human and a professional asshole…so sue me!), but I was still fighting to not  be vilified for trying to act in a good and just way…so the frustration didn’t subside after  the apology, but somewhere along the way, Mony  heard me and listened to the INTENTION and stepped back a minute and said, “I’m sorry for misunderstanding”…and it  made it easier for me to apologize to her…guess what?  There was  very little in drawn out argument, in fact it resulted in quick forgiveness,  understanding and solutions.  WHY?  Because  we communicated, we LISTENED, SPOKE, HEARD, and AVOIDED BLAMING, POINTING FINGERS and TRYING TO GE T PAST DEAFNESS…how?  Because  when you’re putting someone on the DEFENSE, you are making them DEAF to you….

I”m done babbling, just some food for  thought, enjoy  your weekend, and thanks for reading.
E. Vincent


About E. Vincent

Artist, Entrepreneur. Designer, Painter, Muralist, Illustrator, Writer. Business Analyst and Developer, Photography Caddy, Father, Lover, Fighter, Friend. INDESTRUCTIBLE, UNSTOPPABLE, INSEPARABLE, A Child of Destiny. Lover of Rembrandt, Da Vinci, Degas, Monet, Varga, Huerta, Royo, Adams, Swan, Lee, Warhol, Clarke, Bradbury, Serling and many other masters of the creative universe View all posts by E. Vincent

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