There are these surreal moments I have with Mony, this altered perception where it feels as if I am not in the reality we all know. A space where I wonder if its a dream, and questions like “will I wake up” and “is this real” are asked by my inner voice, wondering, questioning, fearful that this is just some dream and when I wake I’ll be without her and all this happiness was a sick, sadistic joke played on me by a malevolent universe.
It is these moments when I see the world in a haze, the sounds of everyday life are loud and distinct yet far away, though they could be right at my ear. When the weight of a simple tee shirt, feels like a heavy load on my back and each step I take is laboured by this heaviness. It is a scary place to be sometimes… am I in a coma and do I really want to come out of it?
But then the otherside is, how bright the colours are, vivid and sharp, detailed and vibrant… my eyes can almost see the air dancing around as it is moved by people, animals and vehicles. The smells are mor pungent as something so simple as cinnamon buns can become a gourmet delight just from the scent left on the back of my throat.
There is the overwhelming joy that I did wake up and she was still there, even in the most somber and gray of days. The incredible appreciation for her presence becoming the normal of my life and that complacency is not as complacent as I feared it would be.
There are the moments in the moment when reflecting on all the good we have and all the good we make is nothing short of magic compared to my life before her. When I can live in our new normal and suddenly have a reminder of how great it is that this routine is magical and wonderful.
I am on my way to meet her at the airport, she has sacrificed a lot to come stay with me for a few months, and at this moment I am reminded of how great she is, even as it feels like I’m traveling through a pool of pudding and the surreal space is unreal, I am honoured and humbled.
This is one of those moments where I know I am blessed to have this second chance at true love.