If you’re just tuning into my blog for the first time, let me give you a quick background; Mony was my first love back when I was a dumb kid, making even dumber choices in life. I came from a horrid, abusive household and when I met Mony the first time on a blind date (which we both begrudgingly agreed to) it was as if peace had finally settled over me, she glowed…that’s the best way to describe it. But after about two years of love, I made the terrible mistake of breaking her heart…then when I finally won her back, circumstances that were not beyond my control (when I look back now) put me on the path of a lifetime of wrong choices…the first being breaking her heart again…then after 22 years of remembering her, and longing for her, and…well you get it… I found her again, and she accepted me into her life, has been loving me like I’ve never been loved before, and I could not be more in love, more happy and more wanting. So…if you’re just tuning in, this blog is one of the ways I tell Mony (and show her) just how much I love her. And for all the machismo guys who think it’s ‘Ghaaaaaaaay’…. You’ll learn young grasshopper.
So, today I wanted to chronicle how many times I thought of her during the course of my morning before we connected…and there she is sending me a kiss across Skype…. Morning Sweetheart…I fucking miss you so much, I can’t wait until you’re home again…three weeks baby!
Okay, now…here’s the way it goes:
7am – Alarm goes off…open eyes ‘fucking alarm’, turn it off and look at the Skype symbol on my laptop to see if she sent a message…Thought 1
7:15am – check on kids, pee, get coffee, check mobile phone, smoke, open email, read subject lines for anything important and mark it…open new draft window, and write Mony’s morning email. I’ve written Mony daily since June 14 , 2011, sometimes twice a day, some days I did miss, but she currently has close to 1000 emails from me…so that is number 2
7:30am – Greet children, and today I wondered what it would have been like if her and I had children together…thought 3
7:45am – Go through emails, talk to kids, get dressed (today I needed to run out first thing). Check on Skype again…she shot me a message… smile and try to picture that it’s not a computer screen, but me giving her a kiss in bed before I go…Thought 4.
8:15am – out the door…walk the 8 tenths of a mile to the dry cleaner…as I’m walking I’m thinking of the suits I just bought (man what a bargain!, $700 worth of suits for less than a $100!) I’m going to look good for my baby!….Thought 5
8:30am – Dry Cleaner drop off, need to come back later, tailor not in yet. Head over to the WaWa for smokes and coffee. Check phone for messages, log into Mobile Skype so Mony can reach me while I’m out…Thought 6
8:45 – Smoke, drink coffee, start off to Chiropractor for my monthly adjustment…Need to feel good so I can keep working out, I want to look good for my baby. Thought 7. Make a few calls, blah blah blah with associates and clients, zone out while listening to one guy, until he says “so how’s Mony” which launches me into a bevy of detail about how awesome it is to be with her… Thought 8.
9am – Day dream as I walk about how great it would be if me and Mony could work together…Thought 10
9:30am – At Chiro… pick up a Reader’s Digest…the headline is Outrageous Things, flip open and start reading things like “Child Sues Mother for not giving her a gift for her birthday”…and I think about how crazy that is…then it would be a cool thing to do with Mony to search out crazy shit like this and trade off who could find the worst…note to self, new game for us. Thought 11
9:45am – In with Dr. B…awesome guy, we start talking health and how I’m progressing in my weight loss and muscle building and I tell him my goals, he is encouraging and I say, ‘Well I got to look damn good for my future wife.” Thought 12
10:15am – Heading back to tailor for fitting. Sex thoughts of Mony…hmmmm…Yep! Thought 13
10:45am – At tailor, get fitted, look at myself in the mirror and think how good I’ll look for her when we get married. Thought 14
10:55am – Tailor shows me how much my clothes need to be taken in…an inch here and there…Yes, baby is going to get all worked up when she sees me…Thought 15.
11:05 – Maybe I should play the lottery, what the hell…Get two scratch offs, ‘wouldn’t it be nice to win $100,000 dollars for me and Mony”…thought 16 (only won $5).
11:20 – Homeward bound again. I miss her, check Skype…nothing…Damn! Thought 17
11:30 – Cook some pancakes to freeze while I’m on the phone for work… Distracting thought of Mony…zone out for a minute, sex, Mony and….Oh wait, can’t share that… Thought 18
11:45am – Settle in, check emails, check Skype, send some emails, Check Skype again… Where is she, c’mon baby, wake up! Thought 19
12pm – Hmmmm, I can’t wait to write this blog about how many times I’m thinking of her, I want her to see it when she wakes. Thought 20.
12:10pm – Start writing blog. Thought 21
12:22 – She Skypes me!!! OMFuck!!! I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!! Thought 21
21 times in the last almost 5 hours, that’s an average of 4 times per hour, every 15 minutes, and it’s like that all the time, even when I’m distracted by work or art or kids or anything, some how I’m thinking of her. It can be a simple thought or elaborate, it can be just a thought or a day dream, but this is what it’s like. Even when her and I are on the line and not a word is being said, I am thinking of her and what we can do, what makes her happy, how she makes me happy and so on.
I’ve never thought this much about one person in my life…why would I, no one has ever had this impact on me.
How many times a day do you think good thoughts about that special someone? How about start now.