I know that when Mony imparts some advice on me, I may sometimes have a retort that is in opposition to her wisdom, perspective or experience, after all just because something works for someone else it doesn’t mean it will work for you (trust me, I’ve spent the last 5 years doing things my business partner’s way and it has brought me no success to speak of…my way works), but sometimes it does work for you, you may not want to admit it, but it does. I’ve not always told Mony the next day that something she said or advice she gave worked, but I eventually admitted it has, and frankly Mony has done the same thing…I say something, she seems perturbed by it, yet she tries it and a few days later she says “Remember when you told me….” and then she tell me how it worked.
What’s funny is she never said to me, “you said this and that and I tried it, and it didn’t work”, and I haven’t said that to her either…maybe because it was all successful advice, or it wasn’t that important to tell me that my advice was shit, either way, it’s nice to hear it when it is said to you that your wisdom was spot on. I know that I love telling Mony that her wisdom and advice yielded positive results, and this is one of the qualities we share that I believe will always make us, in part, feel as if we are truly partners. You have to let your partner know that what they shared with you worked for you, it is a form of compliment, gratitude and validation, and we all love these things, it’s great for our ego.
I said to Mony one day, something to the effect that ‘This is what I did with my older son, that’s what I’m doing with my younger”, she said, “E. Stop treating your younger son like your older, they are not the same.” That was huge, because the minute I took that wisdom and ran with it, the results and reactions from my younger son were far more positive, and I told Mony this. Now she wasn’t all excited and jumping for joy, she in fact didn’t seem to care much at all, but I know that if nothing else, subconsiously it was good for her to know, and from that point on I always made it a point to let her know when her wisdom and advice worked. And like a good partner, she too let’s me know when my advice worked, and for me that is a show of gratitude and appreciation, and it also validates that I have a good head on my shoulders.
There is something in our id that sometimes compels us to not give credit where credit is due because we need to know that it was ‘our idea’ and not someone else’s, it’s almost subconsious and that is probably because the wisdom is not material like a gift so we don’t always thank the person who bestowed their wisdom on us. Sometimes it seems insignificant so we merely say “Hey Thanks” and move on, which isn’t much of a thanks if you ask me. That wisdom people share doesn’t come free to them, they earn it through life’s experiences, both good and bad, so a bigger thank you goes a long way.
The point is, that Mony is always going to give me a perspective, I expect it; she’s always going to give me advice, I want it; she is always going to be that second set of eyes on life that we should all want because we need it to help us make better choices, no matter how great, amazing and intelligent we might be. A second opinion never hurt anyone, and turning to the person that is supposed to be your partner and accepting that advice, trying it and telling them the positive outcome, is one part of building a strong relationship with them. Mony may not always agree with me, and I certainly don’t always agree back, but sometimes we have to face the truth in order to succeed, and even more so, it is nothing short of a perfect thank you to Mony (or me) when I tell her that her advice and wisdom brought positive results.
So do you ever listen means do you ever listen to the advice, act on it and appreciate your partner for giving it to you…do you ever truly listen? I do, and I thank Mony for all those great pieces of advice that have improved my parenting skills, strengthened my relationships and brought me a moment of peace when I needed it most.
Listen to your partner’s advice, you may be pleasantly surprised.
Thanks for reading