Where does the magic go for some people? I wrote about this once before, two parts to a relationship; sex and communication, if one fails the other follows. Let me refresh your memory…
Say you are really interested in having your lover try something new in the bedroom…lets say you ask them and they are kind about their desire to avoid trying, or they might think about it, or maybe they offer an alternative, even if it goes against what they’ve been brainwashed with in their lives as taboo. That is good communication, you can talk about your desire without the threat of persecution or judgement. However say your partner spazzs out…and starts saying “what’re you sick in the head?!? Blah Blah Blah nasty, Blah Blah Blah not good enough for ya, Blah Blah Blah!” Guess what? They just shut the door on you and themselves. You might try again, but if it happens again, well….SLAM!!! Door closed. Why is it closed, well who the hell wants to get judged for something that might please them, excite them, make them feel good? I certainly don’t. But how does that effect the rest of the relationship’s communication? Well…if you cannot communicate in an open and honest way in the bedroom…the most intimate of places for you and your partner, if you’re judged for your desires ,kinks, curiosities and fetishes….then you are going to start thinking twice elsewhere in the relationship.
You might not buy that outfit you think looks good because it has a splash of blue in it, and she/he isn’t fond of blue…and because you don’t want to get yelled at, or judged…well you say nothing, then you regret not grabbing it at the sale price because it looked damn good on you…well, maybe you feel a tinge of resentment towards your partner for being so critical…and it snow balls from there.
Well, forget the outfit, forget the bills, forget the kids, if your woman wants to watch bisexual or gay porn with you because it turns her on, put your male insecurity away, it doesn’t make you gay to watch another guy suck another guy’s junk…it turns her on to see it…does it make her a lesbian when she watches girl on girl with you? Of course not. Stop being an insecure wuss…and so what if you get excited while watching it, she’s getting worked up and it’s making you horny…run with it, if nothing else just listen to the request. Ladies this goes for you as well.
Men may ask you to give them eye candy…there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s not that you’re not sexy enough, it’s that the lingerie is designed specifically to accentuate and tantalize. A designer doesn’t just throw something together and say …sell it. A good designer knows what makes your legs look longer, accentuates the curves, creates shadows and highlights, all these things are visual, and the male of our species is primarily visual. So don’t get offended or let your self esteem effect your sexy…throw that sexy out there and flaunt that shit. If you get upset at him asking for some lingerie, and give him some line about he not finding you attractive anymore…that is shutting down communications.
So yes, if Mony asked me to watch gay porn, I’m watching it because if it makes our sexual experience even better, who the hell am I to argue…I want a happy relationship both in and out of the bedroom, and if in the bedroom I can shed my personal hangups and open up there, then imagine what I can do outside of the bedroom when it comes to communicating…hell yeah, I’m in…in fact I am always willing to listen to her, even when I react stupidly at the onset because of my bad old habits, I come back and listen again…because I know that I need to hear her, I know I need to communicate with her, and you know because I am willing to do it, she is willing to return these same communication skills to me, and she listens.
We’re not the perfect couple, but we resolve our differences, work to overcome our hang-ups and make sure that we are both talking as much as listening, sometimes it happens quick, sometimes it takes a while…but in the end if we want to have this great magical relationship, and have this incredible sex, and have less arguments and more laughs, we need to communicate everything from our dumbest ideas to our dirtiest fantasies and everything in between. It’s time for you to drop those personal insecurities and listen…if your partner says she wants to whip your ass with a flogger…drop the “I don’t want to look weak” routine and take your licks like a fucking man. And ladies, if he asks you to throw on some heels…you better put them on and take a look at how good your ass looks….designed for a reason…strut that ass up and down your bedroom and make him work for it.
Now go…make it hot!