So, I have had Mony back in my life for 14 months now, and I can truly say that I am in love with her more than 14 months ago…and I love her as much as I am in love with her, there is a feeling that certainly is different than just loving someone, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. For some that feeling seems like it fades, but it might be comfort as opposed to fade…for others, it does fade and it becomes complacency…still other’s know what they want, and when the stick to itnivness of being in love fades, they are back on the hunt.
I did that…went back on the hunt. Before marital bliss, I was always looking for that feeling that I had when I was first with Mony…seemed I was ultimately labeled a “player” or a “user” or a “womanizer”…People on my side understood, people looking in from the outside, had their opinions, but in the end, I knew what was going on (okay, besides the occasional need for sex…I was looking). Even when I entered the squared circle of marriage (boxing reference for those that need to know), I married for lust. Yep, I can admit that it was not being in love… In fact, on the day of the wedding I turned to my best man, who was a ‘do the right thing’ kind of guy and said I wanted to call it off…you know what he said – Say it with me now: “You got to do the right thing.”…had I been as smart then as I am now, my answer would have been “Right thing for who? What the fuck about me.” And so went my marriage…it wasn’t long maybe 2 years before she cheated on me…I forgave that one, I think…then the second one came and well…I can only say that ‘What’s good for the goose is good for the gander” and among all the pseudo-religious-socio-political bullshit that confused the fuck out of me and filled my head with marital lies…I went searching for love again…yes while still in the wedded clusterfuck.
Anyway, needless to say, the marriage finally ended…after divorce filing after filing…it finally ended, but the hunting didn’t, I was still looking. However this time, I was a real dick about it. By now I had come to realize the chances of me being shot in the face for saying something someone didn’t like was slim…and I did. I went through woman after woman and had no qualms about telling them the truth…I wasn’t going to love them, I couldn’t love them, they weren’t it…or…never calling them back. So now where does buying curtains fit in? My friends, male or female all seemed to keep a tally on my dating habits, and when the word was out to them, whether by me or some blabber mouth, I was always asked; ‘Well?’ I wonder if they had an office pool each time I met someone? And my answer to them would always be “I’m not hangin curtains with them” or “It’s not like I’m going curtain shopping with her.” It became my tag line which summed up my opinions… I even remembered there was a woman who I really took a liking to, I didn’t love her but there was a point when I thought to myself…I guess I could settle…but I remember being on the phone with a friend and the conversation was about this woman…when the question was asked, I automatically said, ‘it ain’t like we’re gonna be buying curtains together.” No forethought, it came out and I knew that I couldn’t settle…so I found something wrong with the woman, and I dumped her.
So here I am, 14 months after finding Mony again, and I am madly in love with her…we were talking about me having new bed sheets and comforters…hey I’m a guy, if I can use glue to keep my comforter together, I’ m holding on. Anyway, she showed me what we had to choose from and I picked out the one’s I liked (good thing she and I have the same tastes…or maybe she anticipated what I would pick and decided to show me what she knew I’d like…ooooorrr…maybe she just gave in), anyway, this led me to curtains, I told her I needed some new ones while we were at it…then we talked about curtains and suddenly it hit me…I’m buying curtains with her!
I am in love with that woman.