Talking To Mony

Science says that sound wave or sound vibration lingers on forever through space…ever sound that we make that vibration carries on…so somewhere out there every word I ever said lingers and floats from galaxy to galaxy until one day some species will pick them up and be able to listen to every word I ever spoke from the first sound I made as a newborn to the last I love you I said to Mony.

I can’t say that there is a scientific explanation for why I have never been able to let go of Mony, seared on my soul, and my heart forever in her hand, but I can say that to know today, that all that ache was never in vain is a gift I certainly an honoured to have…but what happened to all those nights when I said something to her…the words I can no longer remember are floating out there for someone to hear…  Maybe Mony did somehow hear them, that’s why she always felt there was someone out there for her…maybe science hasn’t gotten advanced enough to prove that each of us has someone specific for us.  I don’t know.

What I do know is that somewhere out there, my words are floating along…some would be “I wish I never left you”, others might be ” I’m sorry”…still some may not be wrought with regret but “Hi, how’s your day…” I remember very little of the specifics, I do know that there would be times when I would be having a rough moment and no one to talk to, and I would just think about the conversation Mony and I would have…and what she might say.  Funny how I wasn’t far off…yep, I’m taking Kudos for that!!!  But there is one memory I have…I haven’t shared with Mony yet, (but will be now)…and it wasn’t that long ago…

In 2008, while I was in the middle of the divorce, I was still doing the clean out that often accompanies a divorce, it was probably the spring of 2008 when I finally got to the little pieces of junk buried in boxes on boxes and I came across wedding bands.  What a fucking farce those were…every wedding band was a new wedding band for every time me and the ex broke up and got back together…it was a stupid idea back then and still is a stupid idea to me today…glad I didn’t think of it..in fact I never put much stake in the notion anyway and never wore any of them…maybe that’s why I completely forgot they existed.  But once found, I felt it was a great idea to finally get rid of all that bad karma, and secretly I loved the idea of tossing away something I thought was stupid to begin with…hey, I’m human…sue me.

So one night I walked the bay and out on to the observation jetty…I climbed over the rail, rings in pocket…sure I could have taken them to a pawn shop and got the  twelve bucks for them…but this was more fun.  I stood out on the furthest most point of the jetty and took the rinks in my hand…the night was clear, the moon as probably half full, the skyline twinkled with the cities I could see across the bay…I looked at the rings and thought to myself, ‘What a mistake”…I talked out loud and apologized for hurting my kids, hurting myself and friends and I remembered the moment back in 1997 when I was at my mother’s home, not more than 30 minutes from Mony’s family, and I cried to my mother about the mistake I made never going back to get Mony…I remembered wanting to go to her back when I shed those tears, but feeling as if it was not going to work, as if going to find her would only serve to have a door slammed in my face…and as I stood there under the moon, looking out over the bay, I said to Mony, “I am so sorry, I love you” and threw those rings with all my might into the bay.

The night was so still, and through the lapping of the tide I could hear those rings hit the water…the plunks were in slow motion and it sounded as if each ring hit the water one at a time, so that I could feel every bit of sorrow at that moment.  I stood and listened, as I could imagine the regret I had over Mony and the choices I made, sinking away with each of those mistakes…

I stood for a little longer and resolved to find her…resolved that one day I would find her and tell her all about my longing for her…didn’t matter the results, didn’t matter if I could be with her, but to say I was sorry…it was one more moment I resolved to do this, among many other times I resolved to find her and tell her…

Destiny worked hard to bring Mony and I together numerous times during our years apart…I think through the last 5 years, every time I resolved to find Mony, Destiny found renewed faith in me and one day drove Mony to place a crumb out for me to find…I’ve said a lot to Mony over the last year, we always talk…but every now and then I do whisper to the moon and talk to Mony…most of the time I just say “Thanks”.

E. Vincent

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About E. Vincent

Artist, Entrepreneur. Designer, Painter, Muralist, Illustrator, Writer. Business Analyst and Developer, Photography Caddy, Father, Lover, Fighter, Friend. INDESTRUCTIBLE, UNSTOPPABLE, INSEPARABLE, A Child of Destiny. Lover of Rembrandt, Da Vinci, Degas, Monet, Varga, Huerta, Royo, Adams, Swan, Lee, Warhol, Clarke, Bradbury, Serling and many other masters of the creative universe View all posts by E. Vincent

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