Sometimes just giving in even if you’re right, is not admitting defeat. Sometimes it’s a matter of retreating from the battle today in order to fight again tomorrow, it is navigating and negotiating the terrain that’s before you. Many a argument could be avoided if we all stepped back for a minute, even if we are not truly the one who has done wrong.
A war is made up of many smaller campaigns, battles fought in strategic locations to ultimately dominate the field… sometimes a tactical retreat is better than forging ahead and taking a chance on not having a second chance to win the fight…Marriage and relationships are always compromise but not all arguments have to be compromised, sometimes someone is wrong…they may or may not know it…but if you approach your partner and find that you are met with defensive posture, strong opposition and are gaining no ground, it may make sense to back off…retreat, tell them they are right and let the emotion settle.
I know Mony has done it with me, I have done it with her, even if the other doesn’t know it’s being done, it happens, and later it may be approached again in a different manner with better results. But you might think “E… If we approach it again we might end up fighting again…” and you might be right, but the results are what your after, the resolution, understanding and compromise. You might fight again but the battle might be better fought to get to the results…
Sun Tzu wrote that one must know the terrain, is it high and rugged, is it a valley, is it sandy, is it cold and wet…how will his troops traverse the terrain of the battlefield and will the effectively be able to fight on that ground. The battlefield in a relationship can be likened to the timing and environment (feel) of the moment…is your partner having major work problems, are they physically sick, is there some circumstance that may play into your speaking to them about the problem…
Sun Tzu also said that it is better to make an offer to the opposition and bring them on your side rather than wipe out their whole village and have uncessessary blood shed…this can be likened in a relationship to setting the stage for the discussion…once you’ve addressed the terrain you can address how you will deliver the message, and open the dialog. The thing is even with these tactful plans to avoid conflict, you may have to back off and just say you’re right…leave it there and retreat from the battle. Rethink what you said, how you said it and determine what results you want in advance of going back to address the problem.
I talk a good game, I spout advice to you here but you probably wonder if I put it into action all the time…the answer is no, not always, but that’s why “You’re Right” gives me a chance to back off and rethink things.