I am notorious for never writing follow up blogs… couldn’t tell you why, I used to, maybe it’s that I just have far more important things to do or maybe I just forget about the last thing I wrote because something else comes along. Well, every day I write Mony a morning email so she can wake to something positive, be reminded that I love her, let her know I am there and thinking of her and that she is one of the first things I think of when I wake. However, today I decided to do something a bit different…today Mony won’t wake to a morning email, but will wake to the world knowing my private thoughts about us and how I feel.
Last night I wrote a blog “RUINED?” which imparted to the readership the not so shiny side of Mony and E…I let you all know we were real people who, while we have a great, incredible and magnificent relationship, do face issues and have feelings like anyone else…that blog prompted Mony to call me this morning…and while I did not expect any single outcome or response from her, I woke to her asking me why I didn’t talk to her…the result was not as positive as one might think…but what happened next was…and it made me remember something I witnessed with a former friend and his wife…and it made me realize just how incredible Mony and I are together…and I wanted to tell her how my former friend JG and his wife MG did exactly the same thing with very different results, and I wanted to tell Mony just how incredibly proud I am to have her in my life…so as a follow up to the blog, and the email I wanted to write her…I am sharing the email with the world this morning…don’t check your email babe…it’s right here:
Good Morning My Sweet Angel,
I miss you…I can’t wait to get to you, and I won’t tell you how many days…but I’m counting.
This morning was not a surprise, in fact I expected you to react in some way to the blog, I just didn’t know how… I can’t say I wasn’t frustrated by the fact that I was trying to talk to you and it seemed as if nothing I said was getting through…but that is nothing new, we’re human and it happens sometimes we can’t help but react and sometimes the time isn’t always right…I get that, we’ve both faced some assholes who have helped shape us…but as we both agreed, we cannot treat one another like anyone else, and for whatever reason the way the phone disconnected apparently gave us a few minutes to think, and that few minutes was all it took for me to resolve just to tell you how I felt in simple terms…and apparently it gave you a minute to pause and hear me…it was strange though how we couldn’t connect for those few minutes, as if the universe forced us to pause.
The way you shut me down when I tried to tell you how I felt and just said “HI” and told me you missed me, I didn’t feel in the least bit jilted, but in fact felt heard and for that I am grateful …thank you. When you asked me to cam and read to you, and you smiled, I could see that you were trying to put the situation behind us and resolve it…you’re better than me when it comes to that and I am grateful for that quality in you….I read to you, articles from Weird NJ, watched you fall asleep and stared at you until the computer shut down on me… fucking computer!
Started my day and while taking an exercise from The Secret, I had a memory of a couple of years back. I was at JG’s house, we were drinking and having a bar b que…his wife MG was there and they have what seems like a co-dependent relationship, but when you look into their eyes, you see how much the love one another, it’s just a strange relationship to see that much love and see that much conflict… conflict broke out between them, both reacted and didn’t listen…except that as the dust settled a bit, MG came back and tried to resolve it… JG didn’t see it as resolve, he saw it as her being selfish and trying to brush it under the carpet… all she did was give him what he wanted, what he asked for, what she didn’t hear in the beginning of the conflict. He turned to me and asked me if I saw how she just blew his feelings off. Babe, you know me, I don’t always need an apology, action means a lot more to me than a few words that are supposed to absolve…action is how we know mistakes are corrected and feelings of forgiveness are real…that’s my view, so you can imagine how I disagreed with him and tried to explain to him that she was trying…his reaction to me is another story…my point is…
This morning you acted to resolve and I saw that…I can be frank when I tell you I’ve been here before personally, where there is no efforts made to resolve, or those efforts are twisted…I’ve dealt with it personally and have witnessed it countless times…even in my dad’s group, I’ve listened to other husbands complain about how their wives didn’t listen to them and then ‘brushed it under the carpet’. I got it babe, I got what you did and I remember how I reacted with other people, I remember how other people reacted and I got it babe…I got what you did and I thank you for it.
We are a great couple, and I’m grateful for your efforts in being that great couple…there isn’t a person in the world I would rather be with…I know this in ever fiber of my being, from a place far deeper than my soul. Forgive me for hurting your feelings, you are the sun in my universe…Forever More.
I love you, infinitely, eternally
Forever More yours