Today is July 8th 2012, and Mony is back home…we’re talking on the phone and she is reading through some love letters. She read me one called soulmates, and it describes all the feelings associated with finding that one true love. How we go through life with the idea of finding the perfect love and how through life it all fades until the one moment when it happens, when we least expect it. But what stood out most from the letter she read, was how the feeling lasts once you find it and how you can’t escape it, how you remember that first moment every day and how that person is just seared into your soul, your heart, your mind.
Years after I broke up with Mony, back in our youth, I replayed the first moment we met over and over again in my mind for 2 decades. I got married and still couldn’t escape Mony…She remained seared on my soul, stuck in my mind, she permeated every fiber of my being for a lifetime. But despite, all these feelings, all these memories…I stopped believing in soulmates. I completely stopped believing in the idea of soulmates and I couldn’t bring myself to believe in such flighty things.
When I found Mony last year and we talked for the first time again…the feelings of soulmates flooded me, it overwhelmed me, it consumed me…at that moment, speaking with Mony for the first time again, after 2 decades, I just new that I was supposed to be with her. I knew…there was no doubt in my mind, and despite not knowing if we would be together or even if we could…but I knew in every fiber of my being that I was supposed to be with her. So much so that I could literally feel that I should have spent the last 2 decades with her.
The letter Mony read me, described what one feels from those young days of wonder, the loss of that wonder and the finding of it again…Soulmates are real, you are supposed to be with some one…there is someone out there for you. I gave up that notion when I broke Mony’s heart, despite us both feeling that we were meant to be together, that we were soulmates back 22 years ago…I gave up on the fantasy and trudged through life, going from woman to woman until married and living a horrible marriage, to go back to looking for that something special again, only to have the Universe one day put Mony right in my path…and when I heard her voice, it all came flooding back, I believed again.
What is most incredible is the fact that despite pining and wanting, wishing and remembering Mony, despite imagining I was talking to her, growing up with her, despite living life with her in my heart and soul, I could have never imagined how much more I would end up feeling. In truth I thought that all my aching for 20 years was the top end of feeling for her, it was the limit; where the bar was set. And suddenly, I am confronted with a belief I shed years ago, and even shunned, dismissed and disregarded…the belief that there is a soulmate, someone meant for you and only you. If I wasn’t living it, if I hadn’t experienced it with her back then and now again, I would still dismiss the idea of something so fantastical…but I am lucky enough to be experiencing something that many people do not get the chance to experience, and for the first time since 1989, I believe.