It’s been about a year since Mony and I first reconnected, and there is this point, whether a relationship reconnecting or a new relationship, where the “honyemoon” is over. There seems to come a comfort level that we reach, where there is no longer a reason to hold the door open for their lady, whether subconsciously or consciously. There is this place where, maybe because we burped a few times and were excused by our mate, that we no longer ask for the ‘excuse me’. Even the little things, like a cup of coffee, or an offer to get something while you’re up, seem to slowly fade to black, but does it have to be this way? Do we really have to suddenly fall in to this comfort level of ‘yeah, I got her/him!!!” and have this space of comfort and confidence that we won’t lose them?
Some people seem to think in this huge global picture… such as not worrying so much about the little things taking him/her away, and convincing ourselves that adultery may be the only thing that can manage to topple us from our relationship perch. But you need to ask yourself, if you put just a little effort in, will you every drain the well? Will you ever have to worry about an ultimate betrayal?
It’s really just some simple things that keep the two of you in tune…like caring about what the other is saying, even if it seem unimportant to you, it is important enough for your partner to think and say, even if it’s about Snookie (yes, I shudder too). But the point is that your partner is making conversation, and the reason for conversation is to be connected, we don’t always have to have a solid interest in everything said…’SMALL TALK’ is called that for a reason. And if you take some time to chat about the insignificant crap, then you might learn to listen regarding the more important stuff.
How about showing some appreciation? Don’t take for granted when your lover tells you they love you, the common reply doesn’t always have to be the watered down “I love you, too.” How about being genuinely thankful? How about saying thank you for your partner loving you? How about understanding that love is made up of such things as ‘SUPPORT’…your partner might disagree with you sometimes about your choices, but they generally support you…so say Thanks…it goes a long way and reminds you that your partner isn’t just a person in your life.
How about instead of just waking up in the morning, take an extra two seconds to give one extra kiss on the forehead. No reason, no purpose, not even a word need be attached…just a kiss on the forehead. And if your partner is a grumpy prick not wanting to be woken, kiss him or her anyway…you’ll eventually win them over. A kiss on the hand when walking down the street together, hold the fucking door open GUYS!!! Chivalry isn’t dead and it might just get you laid!!!
How about both of you clowns stop being so damn lazy!!! Yep, lazy, how about instead of buying a birthday card, make one. Make a card, we are in a digital age where you can go to a website and make your own card, and have it sent directly to your partner, now you can say whatever you want in any way you want and even add your own picture, be creative…and…LISTEN. If you take some time to listen you might hear more of what she/he wants other than the traditional birthday “I want.” Maybe if you listened and heard him or her talking about the cafe the two of you went to three years ago, and how it was such a great little place and blah blah blah…you get it….maybe for the birthday, you can get to that little cafe, recreate that moment, even take a picture this time.
Keeping the honey moon going is not going to completely wipe out the comfort level, as a matter of fact, it is important to have that comfort level because it is part of trust and security. It doesn’t have to be that romance is gone, it doesn’t have to be about soccer, it doesn’t have to be about boys night out is the special night…but it takes both people to give and receive, in order to keep that honeymoon going. It’s about thinking a little more like you used to when you were trying to wow one another, it’s about being a little more creative like you first were, it’s about listening, giving and receiving. It’s important to receive, because if you shun the gifts or gestures, even politely… then there’s a chance the message will be “I’m not interested anymore”, so receive and not only that, but show appreciation. One of the biggest things when trying to show gestures of love is listening to what your partner really wants…don’t think you’re going to get them a gift they will truly appreciate, just because you think it’s cute…listen, take a freaking note or two, remember, and commit to learning your partner’s love language. Yes, Love Language.
Mony taught me about Love Languages, and you can search it out on the web, I admit that I have to sometimes think about it, but I know I’ll get it right eventually…but among all the little gestures, the tiny little extras, get a handle on your partners love language. Remember to Listen, Communicate and Appreciate your partner, there is never anything wrong with thanking them for being there for you, especially when there’s really no reason to thank them at that particular moment…you never know if they’ll just need to hear it. It really only takes a few minutes to continue to do something nice for someone…put down the smartphone for a minute.