I never thought your time would come, for whatever reason you were always going to be here. I never thought I would think of you as my mother, and I never thought that mom would move on to a better place, somehow I always believed you’d be stuck here like the rest of us. Maybe it’s because I went through so much in life and you were always someone I could count on to listen to me, or give me some good, and not so good advice. I’m going to miss you, miss you a great deal…
I made some mistakes in life, and you always seemed to know…you knew it was a mistake to get married when I did, to whom I did…, you knew it was a mistake to trust her, you knew…you knew when you gave me bad advice and came back to try and always correct it, you always knew that I lied to you when things were not good, and you always knew that someone was out there for me. I gave Mony the pendant and earrings you told me to give to that someone special. You had balls, I’ll grant you that, handing me the jewelry and telling me to give them to someone special while I was still married, and she was standing outside on the porch…and I won’t ever forget the day you said your first “FUCK” in front of me…I was stunned to say the least, but you knew it was okay to be real with me, and we laughed about it, and you got your ‘sailor’ on.
Somehow I always got the feeling you could tell me the truth about what you thought and felt, I recall one day you telling me that you could talk to me about things you couldn’t speak to your own children about, despite you feeling as if I was one of your sons…that was special to me and forever will be. I remember you always reassuring me that it was okay to get a divorce, you did it twice and everything worked out fine…you told me that the vows were overrated, and the whole two parent household thing was a farce…took me some time to get there, but I did.
I realize as I sit here with you that I don’t have as much to say as I thought, frankly because we kept it so simple and so honest with one another that there wasn’t a lot of words to mince, not a lot of dancing, not a lot of beating around the bush…I said what I had to say and you replied. One thing you always did that I’ll always appreciate was kept your mouth shut so you could listen, you would put those two fingers on your lips to keep yourself from interrupting, and let me finish what I had to say before replying…, I guess despite all my interrupting, I do try and remember to keep my mouth shut because of you. I know I want to listen and if there is something I can take away from a lifetime with you, then that would be one of them…learning to listen.
I was hoping to finally have you meet Mony, but they tell me that there is no recovery here…the damage to your brain is too far gone, you won’t be coming back. So I’ll tell you about her… Monyka is wonderful mother who does more than many people who call themselves “mom”…she doesn’t just go through the motions of parenting, but does take time out to be a better parent. She’s raised some great kids, grandma…they are happy, healthy, little people. They have their own personalities that reflect their mother in many ways, and they are very well adjusted…I guess if the ‘adjusted’ part is based on some social set of parameters.
She is ambitious, but might procrastanate once in a while, but you raised 5 kids at once, pretty much on your own, so who wouldn’t want to take a minute before starting something new…still, you know me, I’m like Ricochet Rabbit, I’m always going…but that not a bad thing, I mean her taking her time once in a while. She slows me down enough to see the colours of the world, the blue of the sky, the white and greys of the clouds…she is teaching me to enjoy just breathing, and in turn, I am giving her that extra nudge to push forward for her dreams.
You know grandma, when I met 23 years ago, I fell in love, right on the spot…I told Diana about what I felt the day I met her, and she was able to relate, because it was the same for her. And you know how she loved Jerry. Well, just like Diana and Jerry knew they were meant for each other, I know Mony and I are meant for one another…kind of like that lover of yours that gave you that jewelry you passed on to me… I’m sorry you didn’t get a second chance with him. She is wonderful, grandma, and I so wanted you to meet her…I told her about you, I think I might have beamed when I did, but even if she didn’t see it, I know that talking about you was one of my favourite things to do. I told her about the length of our phone calls…how not one in an entire lifetime must have lasted more than seven minutes. I think 7 was the record…straight to the point, short and sweet, say what you had to say and be done…I imagine that has rubbed off on me when it comes to work. Anyway, about Mony…she supports me unlike anyone every did, and sorry to say grandma, she is outdoing you, but I’m sure you’d be proud of that in your own stoic way, she is behind everything I do, as long as it isn’t going to hurt me…yes, grandma, even at my age I need a keeper, you know how reckless I can be sometimes, and Mony is absolutely someone that can keep me in line, I know you’d appreciate that.
Yes, I’m going to marry her, and I would have loved to have your blessing… in fact while she was here, I wanted to have you two meet, and I wanted to tell you that I was going to marry her, and I would have hoped for some of your stoic, snobbish support that you sometimes give. Were you always snobbish with new people because you felt that no one was ever good enough for your family? I mean you did it with all your kids…everyone of their spouses got the look down the nose from you before they became family…You know grandma, I wonder if a little tact could have prevented some of the feuds in your lifetime. Well, you’ll be happy to know that Mony would win you over instantly…I know it…you know how I know grandma, because she is the kind of personality that you love…Happy, Joyous, Honest, Faithful, Hopeful and Ambitious….yes, you finally have someone to be proud of coming out of the gate.
I’ll talk to you about the boys through the night, but for now, Grandma, meet Monyka, Monyka meet the woman who I believe raised me as a mother…I know you’ll love her grandma, I can already see your smile.
I love you, and I’ll see you in the next life, I promise…one day you’ll get to hug the woman who I have loved for a lifetime.