The hardest thing about being so far from Mony, is the lack of physical presence, and I don’t necessarily mean sex, but being able to look into her REAL eyes, hear a voice not transferred through fiber optics and digital regurgitation, the smell of her skin mixing with her perfume isn’t the same as a little spritz in the air…these are the hardest moments, the one’s when there is an overwhelming need to touch, taste, see, smell and hear. And for some people LDRs are pretty much short-lived because of all the human needs that are connected to the emotions. There isn’t a lot that you can do about the lack of physical interaction when you’re involved in a LDR, however, there are a few things you can do that might help you both grow.
First, visit this website for some great ideas: http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/index.html pick out some things from the site and try it out a couple of times, then add to the ideas and come up with your own.
But before I jump into the whole ‘how to make it work thing’ let me assure you, LDRs for me in the past meant keeping ‘her ass’ at a reasonable distance leaving me free from having to be anything more than an asshole…trust me, if you knew me before this blog, and knew the why I was the way I was, you would be referring to me and Mony as ‘The Asshole and Monyka”. LDRs meant to me a way to keep a lot of the other person’s life away from me. However, when Mony and I found one another again, the distance became a real freaking pain in the ass. And now for the how to think portion of this blog…
One of the way’s I’ve learned to cope with the distance is to truly appreciate the technology we have today, you really need to take a not so damn spoiled attitude towards the technology that helps keep you connected. We didn’t have mobile video chat 10 years ago, and I know some of you weren’t using instant messaging 15 years ago, and still some of you didn’t have a cell phone 20 years ago, and even a few more of you are still in awe of E-MAIL!!!! Think even harder about long distance…and how back in 1905 someone living in NY who fell in love with someone living in England, had to use good old-fashioned mail, delivered by boat and hoped and prayed the letter got there. So change your feelings about the lack of touch and focus on how great it is that today you can be on the subway and video chat, text or even call your beloved…be thankful for the technology you’ve probably come to take for granted. Also, focus on all the good things associated with the distance and time between visits, such as making it a habit to have one special thing to do when you visit that is only yours and your partners…and keep it going long after you finally move in together. Another way to look at the time between visits, is that you’re getting a gift every time you visit, and that you’re going to get to unwrap that gift like a child on Christmas morning. You have to change the way you think , don’t focus solely on the don’t haves, and be thankful for the haves.
Once you start rethinking how you think…, you’ll start to feel a bit better about what you have, in addition to focusing on the positive, how about reminding yourself over and over that its only temporary, because quite frankly IT IS!!!!
And before I get into some of the fun and games…her is something I am still learning to do…LISTEN!!! Just listen to what your partner is saying!!! I am already guilty of forgetting to do that which I wrote in a previous blog. Listening is important, listening without interruption is even more important; remember back to when you were a kid and it was simple and you and your little friends took turns playing with toys…think of how games are based on turns, making it all fair for everyone. Listen to wants, needs, praise, problems…just listen. Listening is part of communication, and when it’s your turn to talk, you’ll be heard as well. I’ve come to realize that I’ve always wanted to be heard, and as much as I’ve wanted to be heard and to listen, I never had someone to do that with, not in a way I could see it…now I have Mony, and she is a phenomenal listener. So listen, and if you are compelled to interrupt then try to catch yourself and say sorry right away…in the last 24 hours I caught myself going for the interruption and I stopped myself, apologized and the conversation continued… Communication techniques are a whole different topic, but just do like my grandmother when she feels compelled to interrupt…put your finger on your lips and hold your pie hole shut.
Now for some things you can do.
Make it a point to have a specific time every night that you’ll just call to talk for 20, 30, 60 minutes no, ands, ifs, or buts.
Set up date night…once a week is just the two of you, on cam, on phone, doing something or just talking, or spend an hour just saying I love you before you get into any other plans…listen to your partner breathe…trust me.
Ask each other for a wake up call…this way you’ll get a few minutes when you wake with one another.
Play 20 questions, each of you come up with 10 or 20, one of you is odds, the other even, and write out the questions, send instantaneously via email….then take turns answering each question (even the one’s you wrote).
Watch Porn together over the web…don’t be scared to be open with your partner, after all when you’re naked no one has anything or anywhere to hide. If you’re not into porn, find something else outrageous to watch that you might be a bit inhibited about.
Find shows you BOTH like…not like because you are forcing yourself to watch but that you both can get into…you can download shows from various torrents, you can watch netflix, crackle or hulu together.
Have phone sex….nuff said.
Read to eachother…Read your partner a bed time story.
Sample television programs neither of you have ever thought to watch.
Type in random words in the search engine of a video site and see what pops up…for example, go to you tube, each of you takes a turn picking the first word and the second word (alternate); EXAMPLE: word one, I pick “TOE” word two Mony picks “GOURD” both type in the search and see what you find, then take turns picking the video to watch…next round just switch who picks first.
Find new ways to say I love you….maybe different languages, made up words, or send music videos, songs or poems. Or you can do what I’ve chosen to do…I write Mony an email every morning…(and throw in an extra here and there), I believe since June 14th of 2011, I have sent close to 1000 emails to her.
Find common interest and try to work together on them, or find a way to create a common interest, not just television.
Find a way to make your individual talents work together. Mony is a photographer, I am an artist, we have found a way to work together in both our craft and as a business…you can check out our work at www.mievart.com
Just leave the cam on…don’t even need to sit there, just put it on and go about your business and this way, you can check in and see if either is there, and just say hi.
Join a game site that offers 2 player games, or join an on-line multiplayer game site and share an adventure together.
These are just a few things that you can do along with many other ideas you might find on the web. I’m sure you have a few ideas of your own, and if you have kids, then come up with a few ideas that involve them, such as charades on cam, name that tune, modified games such as scrabble. It might take some getting used to, it may take some scheduling logistics, but if you’re with someone who you want to be with, then it’s worth every bit of effort.