Before we were these highly intelligent creatures, ruling the planet…(insert eye roll here), we were these base creatures of instinct, like all other creatures. Our ancestors were no less instinctual than a tiger or a monkey, and it is that instinct in us that we’ve so forgotten about by being these highly intelligent ‘top o da food chain’ creatures…and in reference to being at the top, phhhttt, just because a bear isn’t text messaging, doesn’t mean we got it beat, so pack away your egos and ids and read on.
Our instinct is what got us to this supposed perch that allows us control over all things, because before we were sending text messages and ordering in our gourmet lunches, we were hunting and foraging for our next meal, in places where today, most people would dread going. Our ancestors were using those gut instincts to find food, survive, live day to day, and that part is still part of our genetic memory, we still retain that instinct. Problem is we’re generally so over whelmed with the technology (or laziness) that we often fail to listen to our guts. You want to know when everything in my adult life went to hell in a hand bag? When I stopped following my gut and started listening to reason…what a mistake.
It was my gut instinct that led me down roads were I got away safely, or made choices that bore prosperous fruits. It was my gut instinct that allowed me to make the right choices and some how in the most adverse circumstances, come out okay. And when I started listening to everyone else and all their ‘reason’ and ‘socially acceptable ways’ was when I became the afterbirth of what I was…In fact I got lost in everyone else’s way of doing things, and the payoff for that? ZIP! Now this isn’t to say that all choices were made by instinct, but looking back (hind sight is 20/20), I realize that instinct played a huge role in what I did.
So what does this have to do with my loving Mony? Glad you asked… Instinct is what made me reach out to her when I found her again. Despite all the socially acceptable myths, I listened to my gut. You know those social myths, ‘You can’t interfere in her life now, it’s not fair.’ ‘You’re only going to hurt yourself because of expectations’, ‘She isn’t the person from 20 years ago’…and blah blah blah blah blah! Well, I’m glad I didn’t buy into all that, buying into social myths and ‘right things to do’ is what got me in a messed up marriage to begin with, my gut said flee…
Well for the first time in years, I really listened to my gut and I went for it with Mony…and the results so far; Happiness.
Regardless of the distance between us, regardless of the different lives, regardless of the children, the years, the anything my gut says this is the way it’s supposed to be. But you might wonder how I know it’s my gut and not some rampant emotions clouding my judgment? Well, it’s quite simple. Have you ever walked down the street; not in fear, not scared, no real danger, and suddenly felt like you shouldn’t make that left turn? No real reason, no fear, just that little twinge and something in your brain saying “don’t”? That’s instinct, a lot like intuition, survival mode…in fact they’re all the same.
When it comes to Mony, my gut tells me, not my brain, not emotions, but this twinge that says, ‘all is the way it should be’…and my gut also says, ‘I’m where I’m supposed to be’. That is how I know…My gut, my instinct, it rings through every fiber of my being…it’s far from just emotion, it is pure unadulterated instinct, the kind of instinct that would kick in if I had to save my children from danger. That is how you know when someone you’re with is who your supposed to be with.
“Oh but what if they aren’t reciprocating?”….oh, you know…your instinct tells you, problem is most of the time we’re just to stupid and don’t listen, because we’re waiting for the iPhone to figure it out for us. Just LISTEN…your gut knows you better than you!
I told Mony we were right where we’re supposed to be, she said how do you know, I said I just know…my instinct tells me that despite all the hardships we’ve endured, despite all the woes we’ve faced, we’re right where the universe wants us. She asked me if we’re going to move out of this space, forward, higher up, in a better place…and my answer is we are, I just know it. I know because it’s that same type of instinct that guided me through those moments in life that would have otherwise turned out bad.
You might be able to argue with me and tell me that a relationship is reciprocal, that both parties need to feel the same in order for your instincts to be correct…and I would agree, however I’d have to throw a ‘but’ in there (get your mind out of the gutter)…the BUT would be; maybe the other person is to wrapped up in their apps telling them what to do next. Shed the material, you can use that when you need it, but take a look at where you are in life, whether in a relationship or not and let your gut tell you…because you already know! What’s that old cliche’ “the writing is on the wall”??? IT means you already know! Your gut, your instincts, they know and you don’t need to be a freaking Jedi to know what’s right, what’s supposed to be and what you need to do next, whether you’re single or in a relationship.
See, my gut tells me that I’m supposed to be right where I need to be because I was supposed to achieve things in life with Mony, and that’s not some fairy tale…the fact that I am growing as a person and a parent, as an artist and a professional, and I see that growth because I communicate, share and listen to her thoughts and perspectives, is proof enough for me that the twinge in my gut is my instinct telling me…
We’re right where we are supposed to be at the moment.