When I met her, I was fresh out of a broken home of abuse. Now everyone in today’s age thinks abuse is a good ass whooping, not in my house. Abuse was a 2 x 4, a broom handle, a belt, a screwdriver…and that was just the physical abuse. The mental abuse was just as bad, I thought my name was really “Piece of Shit” for a year or two there and that was the affectionate name, the sexual abuse isn’t open for discussion, but let’s say that Pedophile was probably the proper address in place of Step Dad. So I was pretty broken, jaded and confused, a rebel, a fighter and pretty independent. Somehow in all that I knew I was never going to be broken by anything, yet I was pretty dark and pessimistic, even if at that 17 I had no clue what the word ‘pessimist’ meant. Yet I was outgoing, friendly and fearless…I dressed reasonably nice and had a relatively eclectic circle of friends, yet I never had a first love, never treated my girlfriends well, and certainly had little hope or direction…until.
After much fighting with my friend, I got suckered into a blind date…with Mony. I was to cool for blind dates, and still to cool to admit that when she walked in through the doorway, my knees went weak, I experienced tunnel vision and I would swear that the world disappeared around her and all she did was glow. From there the world seemed right, it didn’t matter what had happened to me, it didn’t matter that I was involved with bad things, it didn’t matter that I had no direction…what mattered was that everything was going to be fine. Mind you, I did not know this girl, we were just kids, and some how my life seemed to be just fine as if I could achieve anything. My cold dark world felt warm and bright, but at that moment I still didn’t have a word for what it was…was I instantly in love? Today I would say yes, back then I didn’t know, some people called it “love at first sight”, Mony and I would later say we were soulmates and meant to be.
Breaking her heart was the last thing on my mind, but I did, and the price of that grievous error would play on me (and her) for the next 22 years. An action that would be my only regret in my life, truly…I don’t regret a damn choice I made, good or bad, in my life, even the crap marriage I had, I don’t regret doing it…I got two beautiful children out of it and the marriages flaws would only serve to reinforce the fact that I made a terrible mistake…No, there wasn’t one regret in my life, except the breaking of her heart and every moment when I had a chance to change that mistake, I chickened out…all my regrettable actions were centered around Mony.
When I met her again after 22 years…she brought a light to my darkest world. You might think that my happiness would be my children and friends, having the ability to do whatever I wanted whenever, and not having to share or answer to anyone…but Mony isn’t just anyone and when I met her again, my knees went weak, the world around her faded away, she glowed and brought a light and warmth to my life that had long faded and died…I was truly on the precipice of giving in to being a manipulative, nasty, cold hearted, emotionless prick (which some would say I was already there)…but when I saw her come through that airport terminal, and I felt my legs weaken, felt my heart pound, saw nothing but my raven haired beauty glow…I knew that everything was right in the world again, that I could achieve anything, and that loving her was the most important thing to my soul.
When I met her, then, when I met her again…I met the woman I was born for.